Trust in relationships can fundamentally be the most terrifying thing for a lot of people. The fear being, if you let your guard down, you are more susceptible to being hurt.
Some people protect against fear by being anxious or hypervigilant, while others may be nonchalant and noncommittal, or create tension to get a response that feels affirming in some way. But the fear of being hurt is the same.
While it makes sense to have your wits about you, and to be discerning, being in a constant state of distrust or fear can lead you to not see the person or relationship clearly. It is hard to tap into your intuition when you are scared. At some point you have to focus the trust on your relationship with yourself, to remember that you will be okay no matter what happens.
The thing is, we are often looking for validation in the wrong places. Maybe sometimes recreating scenarios, trying to get it right and prove our worthiness.
There are a whole bunch of reasons people are guarded against love, but the only one you have to really learn to trust is your own self. People come and people go. Things work out, sometimes, and sometimes they don’t. If you have a good relationship with yourself, you won’t need another person to prove your loveability. You’ll just be able to pick up the pieces and move on when it doesn’t work out, and find someone who does and can celebrate that with you.
