I am currently reading James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, and it is SO GOOD. He says focusing on goals as motivator is counter-productive and leads to discouragement, self-blame, and giving up. He says that success-driven change based on process (habits) or identity is more effective than focusing on goals or outcome.
In essence, if we want to be something, do something, or achieve something, the best way to go about it is to break down each goal into the smallest possible action- systems and habits that we repeat every day over a period of time, years even.
He says when we hear about people’s “break throughs” it is only the surface we are seeing, and that usually what we see as instant success is actually the outcome of years of work and dedicated focus.
For example, if you want to be a writer, focus on the daily habits of a writer. Schedule regular writing time. Think like a writer. In her interview with Tim Ferris, writer and teacher Mary Karr spoke about having a “Beautiful Book” that she carries with her wherever she goes so that she can jot down any inspiration that comes to her, whether it is a quote, an experience, or a thought. She cultivates her mind and her attention to record beauty, as a regular practice. If you practiced like this every day or every week, think about how motivating that would be, instead of focusing on outcomes like being published or having a certain number of followers.
As a more benign example, I think about the pile of papers in my office waiting to be filed. And the clean clothes stacked on a chair in my room, waiting to be put away. The mere sight of this “mess” brings up old feelings of shame, a sense of “what’s wrong with me?”, and frustration with myself.
But there is nothing wrong with me! It’s my system of letting it all pile up until I can’t stand it and I have an hour-long filing or folding session. Then I end up putting things back in the newly cleared space until it piles up again. That is my system, and my daily habit of putting it off till later reinforces it. It’s my system that needs changing.
My capacity for organization is not linked to my worth. It is a skill to be cultivated and reinforced by a system of habits that I practice every day.
Which leads me to think about compassion. Can we find room in our relationships with ourselves to allow for imperfection? To focus on process, becoming, and self-discovery?
Is there room in your life to reframe something you’ve been beating up on yourself about not accomplishing, to see that in actuality, you are in the process of evolving? And, could you gift yourself with taking a look what habits or systems you could put in place that would make it easier for you to practice the smallest actionable step? If we can ease up the pressure from within, and allow for process, we may enjoy ourselves a bit more on the journey of becoming.
